Customer Service
by iSpeakSarcasms
Summary: Yami learns the hard way that customer service is unhelpful, despite Yuugi's warning.
_**A/N: This is a completely random fic for the purposes of humor. I had some down time and didn't feel like working on my mains, so I just said "what the heck" and wrote this. Hope I at least get a chuckle out of you. And yes, it's Puzzleshipping.**_

 _Customer Service_

Any human being knew that there were many struggles that came along with the use of Wi-Fi, such constant crashes, hacking, and it slowing down when there were too many people logged onto one network. And there was also the problem of forgetting the password.

The problem that Yuugi was having happened to be that his grandfather just bought a router for the game shop and left him with the task of assembling it and getting the internet. Under normal circumstances, this task would have been easy, but the instructions for said instrument were in German; so while he was able to use the diagram to figure out how to put the router together, he was unable to decipher how to get the internet on.

The small man sat at his desk in his room, simply staring at the instrument before giving a frustrated sigh and setting it down. "This is ridiculous."

"Aibou, I'm sure it's not that hard." Yami stated from his seat at the foot of the smaller one's bed.

"It is. This stupid thing's instructions aren't in English or Japanese so I don't know what it says in regards to how to get the internet on."

"I'm sure there's a way to figure it out. Isn't there someone from the router's company that could be of assistance?"

Yuugi shook his head. "Well, considering the fact that asking someone from the company to help me would require calling customer service…no."

The former spirit rose a brow. "And why wouldn't you call customer service?"

Yuugi turned his chair around so that he faced the other. "Because, they don't help you. All they do is point out the obvious stuff."

"Why would it be called customer service if it didn't help? Come on Aibou, be smart about this."

"I am. That's exactly why I'm not calling them."

Yami crossed his arms. "Well, since you're too stubborn to call them yourself, I'll call them and show you how it's done."

At this, Yuugi broke into a side-splitting fit of laughter, falling out of his chair and onto his knees. "Wait…" he said, out of breath once his laughter had subsided enough to allow him to speak. "You," a giggle, "you can't even work a smartphone and you're going to show _me_ how to call customer service?"

The pharaoh responded with a simple nod.

And this threw Yuugi into another strong fit of laughter. So strong in fact, that he even hollered and tears came from his eyes. After a good minute he choked out, "I can't breathe!"

To which Yami responded, "Then stop laughing."

"I can't!" And the laughter continued.

After a while, the smaller one's laughter died down to mere giggles before setting to pants for air, and the former spirit too this opportunity to ask, "Are you done?"

Yuugi, who had ended up on his back as a result of his amusement, rose to his feet and nodded. "Yeah. For now."

"Good, now, I'll be needing you phone." And then a galaxy was tossed in the pharaoh's direction. He picked it and looked at its lock screen with great confusion. "Um…"

"Four zero's, then tap the 'ok' button."

Yami obeyed, but then ran into another problem. How was he supposed to get to the actual calling feature of the phone? All he saw before him was a bunch of squares with small words beneath them.

"Give me the phone back. You don't know what you're doing."

Yami shook his head and clutched the object to his chest possessively. "I can do it. Just…um, tell me what to do."

"Give me my phone back."

The pharaoh's face fell. "I'm serious Aibou."

"So am I."

A stalemate had been reached and the two stared each other down, both of them stubborn enough to wait for the other to give in. At times these impasses could last for hours, so long as one of them could afford the time be dramatically tenacious, but today was not one of those times. After a five minute staring contest, Yami tossed the object to Yuugi, who dialed the customer service number and put the phone on speaker before giving it back.

Then there was ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And even more ringing until…

" _Hello! Thank you for calling customer service. For a reference, can I please get your first name?"_

Muddled, Yami glanced over at Yuugi and asked, "What reference? Why do they need a name?"

But instead of hearing Yuugi's voice, a different one was heard. _"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you. Did you say 'What Reference? Why Do They Need a Name?'? If that's not your name, please say it again."_

Being sure to speak clearly so that he wasn't mistaken again, the pharaoh turned back to the phone and said, "Yami."

" _I'm sorry, I didn't get that."_

He repeated himself, a little louder. "Yami."

" _I'm sorry, I didn't get that."_

He repeated himself again, saying his name louder and breaking it apart by the syllables. "Ya. Mi."

" _I'm sorry, I didn't get that."_

Frustrated, the pharaoh rose his voice and yelled, "Yami!"

There was a pause. Then, _"Candied Yams, I got it! Please hold while I transfer you to one of our technicians."_

Hold on. Did they just call him "Candied Yams"? _Hell_ no. Yami was not having it.

"Excuse me that is not what I said. My name is Yami. _Yami._ Y-A-M-I. Hello?" It suddenly dawned on him that he was speaking to classical music, and he turned to Yuugi with a risen brow. "Why am I hearing music? Where did the girl I was just talking to go?"

Of course, Yuugi was too occupied with laughing his ass off to respond to his other half's question. He had fallen to the ground again, and there were more tears escaping his eyes.

This only irritated Yami even more. "Aibou, will you stop cackling like a hyena and tell me what's going on?"

It took the smaller one a minute, but soon he stopped laughing and sat up. "The lady that answered the phone was an automated machine used to get your name and transfer you to a technician, which is an actual person. And you're hearing music because you're on hold, so you might want to get comfortable holding that phone because you'll be on hold for a good minute."

"Why am I on hold?"

"Because your call is getting transferred to a technician and ten times out of ten, all the techies are busy with other calls so you'll have to wait until one picks up. So like I said, get comfortable."

And boy, was Yuugi right. Yami seemed to be on hold _forever_. He was on hold for so long, in fact, that he knew the looped song the company was playing by memory by the time a technician had picked up.

" _Hello Candied Yams, thank you for holding. How can I be of assistance to you?"_ A male voice on the other end of the line asked.

Yami sat up and took his arm from around Yuugi's waist (the smaller one had decided to cuddle with the spirit in an effort to keep him entertained while on hold). "First, the answering machine made an error in getting my name. It's Yami, not Candied Yams."

" _Sir, I guarantee you there's nothing wrong with our answering machine. You just have a weird name. Now, what can I assist you with?"_

Well this dude was rude. How did he end up with a job in customer service? "Um…I'm having trouble with a router that your company sent. I don't know how to get the internet to work."

" _Alright sir, is it plugged in?"_

Yami glanced over at the router on Yuugi's desk, which was plugged into the wall and powered on. "Yes…it's plugged in."

" _Alright then, is it turned on?"_

Was this guy serious? "Yes, it's turned on. I don't need help with powering it on and off, there's no problem there. I need help with getting the internet on."

" _Ah, okay, okay. Well, did you try reading the instruction manual?"_

Maybe Yuugi was right. All this customer service dude was doing was telling him things that were extremely obvious. "I can't read the instruction manual."

" _And why is that Mr. Candied Yams?"_

"Because," the pharaoh stated, clenching his free hand into a tight, irritated fist. "The instructions aren't in English."

" _Oh, okay, I understand. So, you're telling me you can't read English?"_

Pause. He _clearly_ misunderstood Yami. "No, that's not what I said. I said the instructions aren't in English, so I can't read them."

" _No, sir, we always send English manuals with our products. It's like I said, you can't read English and you're probably just stupid."_

Emergency brake applied. Either Yami was hearing things, or this man just called him illiterate and stupid. But before he could ask the technician to repeat himself, Yuugi had taken the phone and ended the call.

With a hand held up to the former spirit's chest as a type of barrier, the short male coolly stated, "Calm down Candied Yams."

At the now seemingly infamous nickname, Yami's jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed to slits. "Very funny, Aibou."

Yuugi merely smirked. "I told you, customer service does _not_ help. But it did get you a new nickname."

Yami shook his head. "No. There is no way that you are calling me Candied Yams."

"Yep. It's right there next to Mou Hitori No Boku. It's got a nice ring to it, if you think about it. Like, if you were ever on Broadway or something like that and your name was on a billboard in flashing lights," and then Yuugi brought his hands together before slowly separating them. "Candied Yams. It's catchy."

For a moment the former pharaoh didn't respond; then, he took one of Yuugi's pillows and clubbed the slighter over the head with it.

To which Yuugi responded with taking his other pillow and striking the pharaoh across his face with it.

And a pillow fight ensued, along with the slightest bit of playful wrestling.

 _ **A/N: Fluffy. Hopefully funny. Hopefully you review.**_


End file.
